I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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