it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
