i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
