Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
