I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
