ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
