Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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