he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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