I'm going to rape someone's good day.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
