Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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