So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize