I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
