All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
