dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
