I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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