there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
