i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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