Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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