you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
