I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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