I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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