Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
