his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
