my phone needs a breathalizer
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
