Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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