uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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