Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
