Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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