she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
