I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
