I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
