Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
