we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
