I didn't shave. On purpose
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
