I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
