I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
