I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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