I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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