You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
