Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
