Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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