the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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