I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
