FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My life is pants optional.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
