Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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