well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
