I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
