I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
