Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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