2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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