It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
