i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
