my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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