There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
