if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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