Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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