My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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