The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
