you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
