the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
