I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
