The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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