i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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