Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
