wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
