im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
