last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize