He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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