She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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