If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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