hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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