just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
