I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
